Rick Sanchez Teaches Me Three Life Lessons That You Need To Hear
Confessions of a Recovering People-Pleaser
My name is Michael, and I’m a people-pleaser.
I usually go above and beyond what is often necessary to meet other people’s needs because one of my greatest needs is for people to like me.
This need makes it hard for me to say no to anyone who asks me to do something because the last thing I want to do is disappoint someone. That is gut-wrenching for me.
I think I have always been this way. My mom has told me stories long forgotten when I was in elementary school. There were times I would give my lunch money away to someone else so they could buy their lunch, leaving me with no money and no lunch.
One day, I came home without my winter coat. My mom asked me where it was, and I told her I had given it to someone who needed it. Please do not think I was doing these things because I wanted to be a great humanitarian.
I do want to be a great humanitarian now, but I’m sure that is not why I did it then. I needed people’s approval even at a young age. My emotional baggage has most likely contributed to my people-pleasing issues.
Out of the “11 Reasons Why You Are A People-Pleaser,” shared by a licensed psychotherapist, Courtney Glashow, I identify with eight. The two main ones are “you fear disappointing others,” and my “self-worth comes from external validation.”
For some reason, I have accepted the responsibility for other people’s emotional health. It sounds ridiculous for me to even write that sentence. Who do I think I am? I’m not God. Why would I take on (even in my mind) that responsibility?
If my self-worth comes from external validation, I would not want an angry conference crowd booing me like they did Rick Sanchez in S4:E3 of Rick and Morty titled One Crew Over the Crewcoo’s Morty.
NOTE: Rick and Morty is an American adult animated science fiction sitcom created by Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon.
Rick is a mad scientist who drags his grandson, Morty, on crazy sci-fi adventures. Before I go on, “Yes, I’m over 50 (by 9 years) and still watch cartoons!”
In the episode mentioned above, Rick Sanchez and Morty are attending a conference. The conference organizer is speaking on stage in the first general session. Rick walks down the center aisle, interrupting the session and the speaker. The audience starts booing him. Without skipping a beat, Rick says,
Your boos mean nothing. I’ve seen what makes you cheer!
I immediately paused the show, replayed that scene, replayed it again, and wrote down that phrase. It gripped at my soul. This crowd hated Rick for interrupting the session, but he could not have cared less! Not only was he unaffected by the boos, but he also seemed to find energy from it!
Rick teaches me three lessons on how to avoid being a people-pleaser.
Do not allow anyone to dictate your value.
Rick does not value other people’s perceptions of him. He is secure inside his own body and does not need anyone else's input on that.
I got my own back. — Maya Angelou
Unless others honestly tell us what they think about us, we just have our perception of their perception of us. The impressions I think I receive from others may be as wrong as their impressions of my impressions about them. (There is a great Rick and Morty episode about this involving Morty’s parents at a couple’s retreat!)
Realize that humanity is as messed up as I am.
We see what excites people and what makes them cheer. Three words: Bachelor in Paradise! (My wife, son, and I are currently binging this show. We’re on Season 3.) Everyone places their value on different things. Someone once said, “Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder,” I mean, “the beholder.”
If I am aware of what someone else values and it directly conflicts with my values, why would I want their opinions of me to carry any weight? Why should other people allow my opinions of them to carry any weight?
Even people with similar values to us can view life differently. You can still agree to disagree regarding your opinions of each other and continue being acquaintances.
When other people’s opinions of us are positive, we should be encouraged. When others' opinions of us are negative, we should use that as constructive criticism and examine our lives. If we decide the criticism is not justified, we forget about it. If it is justified, we take the steps we need to develop ourselves.
We should never use other people’s opinions of ourselves (positive or negative) to determine our self-worth.
Do not allow the opinions of other people to dictate my actions.
I would probably have never interrupted a speaker during a general session of any conference I’ve been to. If I was asked a question from the stage and my answer brought heated boos from the audience, I might have run out of the room and left the conference.
Rick ignored their sentiments and even their purposeful intentions (to let him know they hated him) and went on about his business.
So many times, I’ve allowed other’s opinions of me to determine my actions. I’ve gone out of my way to rearrange my schedule to do things I had no desire to do. I’m not talking about illegal or unethical things, just things I did not want to do.
There have been times when I’ve acted a certain way just because I was concerned for someone’s emotional state. We have all been hurt by other people. Whether those people have approached me or I’ve approached them about the subject, I usually end up downplaying the issue.
Even when I was the one wronged, instead of being honest with them and telling them why I was hurt, I would let other people off the hook. In the long run, this does not help our relationship and does further damage.
Final thoughts
I want to be a great human being and help people. I still want people to like me, but I realize that if everyone liked me, I would be like a fake Santa. Buddy the Elf would tell me:
You sit on a throne of lies!
I no longer want to (even mentally) take responsibility for other people’s emotional health. I do not want to allow my perceptions of other people’s opinions of me to dictate my value. Nor do I want them to dictate the decisions I make.
I am an equal part of messed-up humanity. I would hate that anyone would allow my opinions to dictate how they felt about themselves or lived. That would be incredibly dangerous for them.
If Rick Sanchez were a real person, he might think I was an idiot. He is entitled to his opinion. I would think he is an egotistical narcissist sociopath. Whether or not art imitates life, I can still learn from the mad scientist.
I need to remember I have a choice. My emotional health grows stronger the less I give in to the temptation of being a people-pleaser.
If you enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit from it.
If you would like to receive these posts straight to your inbox, please consider becoming a subscriber to Disgustingly Simple. There is a free and paid version, and you can cancel either at any time!