Thriving in Tough Times

Three resilience-building techniques for life’s struggles

Photo by Kenneth Surillo.

Matt lived at the Northeastern Jerusalem YMCA. The reviews on Travelocity were good. This place was owned and operated by an organization that supported the Greco-Roman god Asclepius. He was the god of medicine.

The centerpiece of this beautiful facility was an outdoor pool powered by underground springs and surrounded by five exquisite verandas. If misery loves company, this was the place to be. Many people with numerous ailments hung out by the pool in these verandas.

The legend was the pool had healing powers. The spirits of Asclepius churned the water in the pool, and those who could get into the pool could be healed. Matt, crippled for 38 years, was there day after day to get healed.

One day, Matt was in his usual place by the pool when he heard a huge uproar. There was a visitor at the facility! He must have been famous because he had an entourage with him. Matt hoped they wouldn’t clear out the pool area. He might miss his chance to get healed.

This man walked around the pool and came right up to him. He didn’t introduce himself or say, “How are you?” or anything. He looked down at Matt and said, “Would you like to get well?” Are you kidding me? What a dumb question. That’s why Matt was there in the first place!

One might think that is a yes or no question. Matt said he could not get well because he had no one to help him into the pool when the water stirred. Why did Matt not answer the question with a resounding “Yes?” Here are three reasons he might have answered that way.

Matt was discouraged

Matt couldn’t walk and needed assistance getting to the pool daily. His help couldn’t get him close enough to the pool’s edge for him to lean over and fall in when the water stirred! His friends or workers at this facility would plop him down and leave.

Day after day, the waters stirred, and they had calmed by the time Matt got help to get into the pool. Matt had been in this condition for 38 years.

Matt thought there was only one solution for his issue

He had witnessed others who got into the pool become healed. He tried to think of other ways he could be cured but kept coming back to the most straightforward conclusion — the pool!

Matt lived long before William of Ockham, but maybe he also adhered to his theory that the simplest answer is often correct. (Occam’s Razor)

Matt accepted that he’d have a disability for the rest of his life

Life has a way of beating us up and leaving us down. While Matt may not have been happy with his current circumstances, he became comfortable with his discomfort. He couldn’t walk and would be this way for the rest of his life.

He was somehow getting his food, water, and clothing. He had a place where he belonged among the many around this pool. It wasn’t great, but at least it was something.

Note: This is a recap of the biblical account of when Jesus heals a paralyzed man at the Pool of Bethesda, which is recorded in the Holy Bible (John 5:1–15). Jesus chose to heal this man, and he rolled up his sleeping mat and left.

Regardless of how you feel about Jesus, there are practical lessons we can learn from His encounter with Matt.

What can we learn from Matt when we consider our situation?

I often think about Jesus’ question to Matt because my issues have issues! We have our ailments, our hurts, habits, and hang-ups.

We catch diseases, accidentally or purposefully hurt ourselves, develop addictions, and experience a host of other agonies. Whether our situation is bleak or just annoying, there are techniques we can use to build resilience through life’s problems.

1. Look for more than one correct answer

I will oversimplify this for a moment. 3+3=6, 4+2=6, 5+1=6, 10–4=6, 2x3=6. You get the idea. I’m overweight, so I need to lose some pounds. I can eat less food. I can eat healthier food. I can exercise more. I can do all three things.

There is an abundance of ways I can go about each one of those options. Choose an issue you want to tackle and think of all the answers you can to resolve that issue.

Unlike Matt, most of us have more resources than he did. We can research our issue, ailment, or circumstance in many ways and have a list of resolutions in a brief time.

Nothing is more dangerous than an idea when it is the only one we have.
— Emile Chartier

Becoming resilient is a conscious choice. Jesus may not choose to heal us or remove us from our difficult situation. If He does, then that’s wonderful. Usually, He wants us to use our brains to spur us to the actions we need to improve ourselves and our lives.

2. Avoid the victim mentality or blaming others when we find ourselves in unhappy situations

In her article 5 Reasons We Play the Blame Game, Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne mentions the fundamental attribution error: People excuse themselves for the same negative behavior that they blame others for doing.

It is much easier and painless for me to blame someone else for my problems than it is to accept responsibility for the circumstances I find myself in.

I’m overweight because of no one else but myself. No one forces me to put food in my mouth continually. I love to chew! I love the way food tastes!

When I was a kid, there was a commercial on TV where the primary phrase was, “Eat to live, don’t live to eat.” Unfortunately, I have not taken that advice to heart as an adult.

We can choose to move away from our misery. We can choose to take steps to improve our lives. If we do not know what steps to take, we can choose to investigate how to find the steps we need to take. Who do we need to talk to? Who can guide us in our search?

3. Remain uncomfortable with unhappiness.

One of my best friends in high school championed the phrase, “It’s always easier just to do nothing!” He was a great motivational speaker. He wasn’t trying to motivate us to action. He tried to identify with and encourage us to continue our laziness.

We can get comfortable with our surroundings and not even consider changing because that can cause a fear of the unknown.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t. Irish Proverb

Some of us struggle with insecurities and a poor self-image, so we feel we don’t deserve to be happy. Others have been unhappy for so long they tend to wear that unhappiness like a badge of honor.

Choosing to improve our lives can be difficult. Where there may be mental illness, depression, or anxiety, it is complicated. If you know what you need to do, choose to take one step to improve your life today.

If you do not know what you need, ask someone you trust for help.

Do you want to get well?