Can I Learn Anything From an Idiot?

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age." - Groucho Marx

¹Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Born In The U.S.A.

The doctor told his parents that being in the operating room, with all the lights, at 15 months old may cause him to be a nervous child. Sure, the lights would bother him, not the strangers in masks carrying around sharp, shiny objects.

When this baby boy started walking, he limped and worried his parents. The doctors discovered he’d been born with a hernia and needed corrective surgery.

This boy would become a little nervous. But his nervousness seemed to be selective. I used to think he was afraid of people, but that wasn’t it. Sure, he was scared of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Jesus. Yet his fears, as it turned out, seemed rational.

Children have wild imaginations, and being afraid of the tooth fairy makes a lot of sense. Would any child want a stranger to come into their room while sleeping and get so close to them that they stick their hand under the pillow they were sleeping on? 

This kid did not want any part of that. Being afraid of Santa Claus was a stretch because he loved every child so much that he would bring them presents once a year! But he never had any fireplaces in the two houses he lived in, so coming down the chimney was out for him. 

His parents told him Santa had to come in through the front door. “Do we have to leave the door unlocked?” He fearfully asked his parents. “No, he can magically unlock the door, leave your presents, and leave locking the door behind him.” 

“But what if he forgets to lock the door when he leaves?” “He won’t, he’s Santa Claus.” Michael didn’t like that answer. He also had a problem seeing Santa in different places in the city near the small town where he lived. His parents told him they were just Santa’s elves. 

He saw some Elves posing as Elves and others posing as Santa Claus and wondered if they took turns posing as Santa Claus. If so, how did they decide who would get to play the big guy? He thought he’d like to pose as Santa if he was an Elf!

He was too scared to go and sit on Santa’s lap and tell him what he wanted for Christmas. He gave his list to his parents, who assured him they’d get it to Santa.

The Tooth Fairy and Santa seem understandable, but why would this child be afraid of Jesus? Jesus loved him so much that He died for him. His death may have been one of the issues. 

Jesus Is (Not) Just Alright With Me

When he was four or five, his Sunday School Class planned a birthday party for Jesus. Yes, this was at Christmas time. The pre-schooler did not want to attend this party. He was afraid that Jesus was going to be there in the flesh!

He’d heard the Christmas and Easter stories but was confused about how Jesus would appear. Would He be the “Dear Lord, Baby Jesus” that Ricky Bobby prays to? That wouldn’t be so bad. But if Jesus on the cross showed up, He would get blood all over our classroom. 

The Bible explains Jesus was beaten beyond the recognition of a man! That scared this little boy! The resurrected Jesus also sounded spooky to him. He wasn’t interested in that either!

He went through a short phase of non-stop crying when he realized he would die one day. From what he remembers, his parents told him everyone would eventually die. They didn’t try to whitewash that truth (or straight-up lie, like they did with Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy).

This messed-up child grew into a messed-up adult. He married his messed-up college sweetheart, and they raised two awesome, messed-up kids! All of humanity is messed up in one way or another. There is no getting around it.

Please Please Tell Me Now

Enough of the third-person representation. I have had many jobs as an adult. I have worked in landscaping, college recruiting, janitorial services, school bus driving, route sales, church work, technical support, trivia hosting, and account management.

Add my free time to these jobs, and you get an abundance of silly sagas, sobering stories, self-help illustrations, and life lessons. I want to share these adventures with you to improve your life.

Some material may make you laugh or cry while encouraging you simultaneously. I will share practical tips and lessons I’ve learned from some funny or painful experiences. You are not the only one who experiences highs and lows. Let me share mine with you! Hit the subscribe button.

---

1. Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay